i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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