I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
