.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i will never coherently bang her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
