it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
