I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
