I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
