Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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