I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
