I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize