the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
