Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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