I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
