he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
