fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
