How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
