He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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