It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
