i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
