There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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