We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
