im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
