sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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