dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
