it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
