Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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