Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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