The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
