After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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