Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
