I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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