Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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