Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
