you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize