i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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