I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize