I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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