Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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