Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
