so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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