i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
