You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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