There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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