Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
