i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
