ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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