I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
