I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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