i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
