exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
as a side note pls kill me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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