We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
