once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
