I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
