also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
