It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
