In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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