Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
