Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
