remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
