So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
