Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
