found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
