i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
