I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize