You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
