I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
