Already got asked if we're dating
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
