Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
