2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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