she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
