So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
