just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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