We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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