Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
