I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize