I'm jealous of your bromance
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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